Sorry
by Zimbing
Summary: A crew member's attempt at making peace with the past


Title: Sorry  
Author: Zimbing  
Email: sparky_cola@hotmail.com  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I have nothing to do with Andromeda, pooey!  
Spoilers: None that I am aware of  
  
Notes: ok so had to write a story in English, and I got flatten by a plot elephant and came up with this idea. It's been slightly   
adapted for Andromeda but not by much. And the next part of my other fic Alius Tempus is going up soon, maybe on the   
weekend, and a mega thank you for all the lovely reviews, including the death wishes ;) They really cheer me up after a hard   
day, so thank you :)  
  
Now on with the fic, hope you enjoy it as much as Alius Tempus :)  
  
**********  
  
  
  
'Hello, it's been a while hasn't it?'  
  
I stare at your face, examining closely. A small scar runs down the left side, standing out starkly against your pale features but   
at the same time telling the universe that you have been there where no others have been, and have fought battles that others   
have dreamt of.  
  
I stare at you and you evenly match it with an intense look of your own.  
  
No sound is heard apart from the wind rushing through the overgrown grass and causing my hair to dance upon my head.  
  
Breaking the connection I take a look around your surroundings. Near us is a lush forest with trees reaching towards the   
heavens with angels sitting on their limps singing gleeful songs. In front of me, a vast ocean as blue as a sapphire, stretches   
to the edge of the world and beyond. The sun is setting causing the sky to turn into a livid fire with a blanket of smoky clouds   
covering the awesome spectacle.  
  
Walking towards the end of the cliff we stand upon, I look down in wonder at the waves throwing themselves against the wall of   
rock with all their might. Staring into their murky depths I close my eyes remembering the last time I was here. Remembering   
the storm, remembering the salt air that struck my skin, remembering the feeling of having nowhere to go, remembering the   
thoughts of simply losing my balance at the top of this cliff...  
  
Opening my eyes with a start, I slowly turn back round to face you. I look at the wild flowers that surround you, too ashamed   
to meet your gaze.  
  
'I forgot how beautiful you were,' I say in an attempt to break the tension filling the air.  
  
As expected, silence greets my retort.  
  
'I miss your laugh you know?' finally meeting your gaze, a small smile flickering on my face.  
  
Sighing inwardly, I move away from the cliff edge, and sit down amongst the grass with you.  
  
Looking to you, I start on my prearranged speech.   
  
"It must be about five years since we last meet, what have you been doing with yourself?"  
  
A pause and I carry on.  
  
"Well so much has happened to me you know. Fighting the bad guys, helping the good ones, building gadgets, fixing the maru   
up just to name a few. So just the usual then. Hmmm…Trance, she's still going around with her mysterious ways, confusing   
me in the process. We sometimes hang out, but we've drifted apart quite a bit, all of us. Rev is spreading wayism everywhere   
and become this high priest person, forgotten the actual title, will have to check it out sometime. Rommie is in spite of   
everything that has happened, out there protecting everyone's butt and as usual not getting that much gratitude, I think she is   
starting to give up sadly. That's all I know, as I've said, we've kinda drifted a part, I'm a bit of a loner these days."  
  
Taking a deep breath, I look intently at the ground, working out what I really came here to say. Pinching a bit of grass in my   
fingers I think out my words carefully in my mind, while you gaze on in silence.  
  
Deciding that it would be best coming from the heart, I throw away the mutilated strip of grass, take a breath of salty air to   
clear my mind and look up at you once again with sorrow filled eyes, eyes that have seen too much of the universe, eyes that   
are a lively blue but then give way to a soul that died a long time ago.  
  
"I'm sorry," I whisper, my voice full of emotion, cracking slightly. A lone tear slithers down my cold cheek.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being there. You needed me and I wasn't there. You were always there from the second I   
stepped aboard your ship the first time. You stood up for me when people wouldn't accept me for who I was. You were there   
when thoughts of suicide raced through my mind when I was raped by my worst nightmare. You were there whenever I got   
sick. You were there when I just needed a shoulder to lean on. The mask I hid behind was invisible to you. And when he died   
and your heart was ripped into million shards, I couldn't see how much you were hurting until it was too late, until I found you   
dead in your quarters, your eyes white from…I never for one second forgot about you, don't ever think that. I love you always   
and I'm beyond sorry for what I did to you…"  
  
A strangled sob breaks off my voice, as for the first time in years I let my mask crumple away before me and let myself cry   
about what has happened. The feeling of intense guilt and sorrow wash over me. I curl into a foetal position and sobs shake   
my body and rip me apart from the inside. I shut my eyes tightly as memories bombard me from every angle.  
  
What seems like hours later, the sobs die down to an occasional whimper. The coldness of the wind and ground is now   
seeping through my clothes and I shiver involuntarily. Turning with the little energy I have left onto my back, I gaze intently up   
at the billions of stars painted onto the black canvas of the night sky, watching down on me from above.   
  
Losing an unbeatable fight I slip into a dreamless sleep.  
  
**********  
  
I blink against the blinding sunlight as I struggle to waken. Bringing a hand up to my face, I rub against the stubble, dry tear   
tracks and my swollen red eyes.   
  
Fighting the urge to break down once more I push myself up into a sitting position, ignoring the protest my back is making, I   
draw up my legs and rest my head upon my knees. Although completely drained and exhausted, my soul feels lighter than it   
has in a long time. In some way, no matter how insane it sounds, I feel as if she has accepted my apology.   
  
Taking a deep breath, I clamber to my feet, staggering a bit from a head rush.  
  
Looking down at her, I trace her features to memory.  
  
  
'Beka Valentine  
  
CY 10057-10095  
  
See you around the universe Rocket'  
  
  
Walking up to her grave, I rub off a smudge of dirt. Happy that it now gleams in the sunlight, I reply,  
  
"See you around, until next time good bye…oh and say hi to Tyr for me will you?"  
  
Smiling, I turn away and walk back towards the Eureka Maru, a small but intense spark of life forming in my once dead soul.  
  
  
The End  
  
Ok hoped you like it *hopeful smile* leave a review if you want :) 


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